If you follow my social media feeds, you may have asked yourself, "how does Chris run so much?" If you know me deeper than my social media, you might have asked yourself, "how does Chris do all the things that he does?" The truth is that embrace my dis-functionality and I don't feel my best when go out and tackle my goals. I plan to focus on my motivation for running in this post. Let me explain.
I constantly deal with a chaotic sea of thoughts and feelings that I have to fight through every day in order to do what I need to, to survive. I don't always wake up each day and tell myself, "I'm going to crush it today!" These Covid days, I don't plan what I am going to do outside of my work obligations. I don't plan how far I am going to run either, I just get out there and do it. But that is also one of the problems to overcome. "Getting out there." Some days, it is so hard to get out of bed.
Some of those days, I am sad and slightly depressed. I have felt much sadness in different points in my life but this last year was different. I want to stay in bed and scroll through Tik Tok, Instagram, or FaceBook. Some days my body aches (see the last photo for one of my remedies). I ran too much, my joints hurt or my muscles are sore. Other days, I ate too much junk food and I feel like I am too heavy to enjoy a good run (my love for tacos literally weights me down lol). Or other times, I am too stressed and all I can do is get through my work checklists and call it a day. Whatever is happening, I acknowledge it and I rise up. I rise from my bed or my woes and I start the day.
There was a time when I didn't think I could actual run like this again. When I was little, one of the earliest associations that I have about running was the freedom of it. I remember feeling my connection to the ground with each step and joy I felt finding where each one of those steps would take me next. In kindergarten I was teased for being a slow runner. I used to look down at my super sweet white Power Ranger shoes that lit up red and I would think how they failed me. I wasn't fast enough, they gave me no powers. I had these white boots that I got in the third grade. They were so heavy on my feet but I used them to train in. By the time the fourth grade rolled around I was one of the fastest kids at our school. There was pure exhilaration in me as I felt as each of my strides caused miles to melt behind me in six minutes flat. I knew I could never get enough of this.
And then, I was injured while I was playing an in-school football championship game in the seventh grade. As I was out receiving a hail-mary pass to secure the win, I turned to locate the ball, saw it above my head and jumped. Ball in hand, I landed on the ground firmly, pivoted to run to the end zone, and slipped. My right knee landed right on a rock on the dirt field we played on, pain shot up my leg but adrenaline brought my back to my feet. We won but, I lost. At the time, it was just a bruise but I was not without pain in knee for another full decade. I played basketball some but I never ran like I used to since that injury.
My heart was always into running but for so many years, my body wouldn't comply. I had a slight limp for several years but people wouldn't be able to tell. I remember finding some shoes that I used to wear in high school and they were so worn out on the right heel because of how I would walk. I was able to do short bits of running but my knee would swell. Eventually both of my knees caused me trouble because I would try to compensate and shift my weight around. I dealt with it silently and didn't talk about the constant pain it caused me. One day a few years ago, I woke up and realized that the pain was gone. No more wrapping my knees up, no more worry. It was just gone.
Why do I post about my runs? Yes it is important to me. Yes it makes me feel good when y'all hype me up. But it is more than that. It's because there were days that I couldn't do it without hurting myself. Even then, I was telling myself that if I really wanted this, I can do it. And now, I want to be someone that tells you, "You can do it!" The only one holding you back is yourself (outside of any medical reasons of course). What ever you have going on, if you want something, you go out there and you get it. If you want to learn to paint, surf, or hell, even blog, you can make it happen. There are so many people out there that won't believe that you can, so don't be one of them too.
Why the title? It is impossible to operate on "full power" all the time. I have found that many folks try to put all their energy into something and sometimes, when things don't work out as planned, they find that it wasn't what they expected. Then next time, they don't even try at all, because it wasn't worth it last time. Life throws so much at us and nothing goes 100% according to plan. If you drain yourself on one task, what do you leave yourself open for? We all need to create a balance in our lives and scaling back on how you show up, is one piece of the puzzle. Years ago, I was told that sometimes all we need from you is to show up. Sometimes you show up as you in pajamas (#PandemicLife) and sometimes you are needed as a leader. So what do I do to manage? For one, I rotate through the items that I am focusing on. Sometimes it's work (which I have to do better at scaling back in this virtual world, honestly) and sometimes it's my numerous hobbies. But I know that nothing I do is perfect and I need to treat myself with love, respect and with grace.
What I do is coach myself. I support myself, I love myself and encourage me to be the best I can be in that moment. Beyond the physical obstacles that I overcame, why do I do it? I do it for the view. I do it for my sanity and to reduce the amount of stress I have. I do it because I feel good afterwards. When I am done. When I have climbed a mountain or pushed myself further than before. When I have shattered my own expectations for myself because I almost believe that I couldn't. Ultimately, I did todays miles for me and for no one else.
*As a reader of mine, I hope that you stay tuned for a future post where I show you a snippet of my inner dialogue while on an actual run (a lot happens lol). In the meantime, enjoy this photo of me on a rough run this week. Bonus photo for my dedicated fans eeeeyyy Lol*
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