As I sit here thinking about the events of finding Max in Mission Trails last year like it was yesterday, I have to warn you that a post like this can be triggering for so many of us. At any point during this, please feel free to stop reading this. I hesitantly posted on my social media a few days after the event because several folks had asked me about it, I felt like I had to say something. Lastly, this post is for my healing and writing is part of that process for me. It was difficult and triggering for me as well. I do not ask for any sort of recognition or accolades from this blog.
I got up out of my warm and comfortable bed reluctantly, as do everyday during the prolonged quarantine. I open the blinds and let the sunshine radiate in. No more rain. Yesterday's surprise downpour with thunder and lightning must have been the last of the rain for now. I actually wanted it to rain more. I loved the feeling last week when I just kept running with the cool crisp air and the rain just lightly encouraging me to push myself onward. I debated with myself on whether or not to go out to the trails. But, I only had 18 miles and a few days left to reach a total of 100 miles for the month. The best way for me to start off 2021.
Shoes laced, sage burned, prayers said, water refilled, I was ready. I hopped in my car and embarked out for my destination: Kumeyaay Lake. As I approached closer to the area of Mission Trails Park, I noticed a helicopter circling the center of the park. I shrugged it off as I have seen fire and rescue conduct trainings in the park before and that's what this was. As I pull up to the parking area, I observed that there were more cars parked lining the street leading to dam area. "Must be a typical Saturday morning crowd at the park today." I came to get some work done today: 10 miles.
I ran a route that was becoming like clockwork for me. I ran until I was away from the crowds of people that usually frequent the more accessible trails, in the valley and on the flatter grasslands. I was sluggish, heavy from my muscles straining to complete the impromptu half marathon that I ran last week. But even as I got deeper into the park, I began to realize that something was off. The helicopter was circling so persistently.
I made my way up the steep pass that splits between North and South Fortuna. I finally made my way to the top of North Fortuna for a rest. I look out at the view that love so much. La Jolla in one area, Point Loma, the silhouette of Downtown, I locate the water tower near my house and the little buildings of SDSU. And now, a helicopter hovering over the valley. I continue on to a more secluded area. As I make my way uphill towards the plateau of the Rim Trail on the western side of the park, I notice the silence. No more helicopter. The thought did cross my mind on this stretch that maybe they were searching for someone. Mission Trails is a large area but there are not a lot of locations completely hidden. I clear my mind as I begin going down hill towards the river crossing.
As I expected, there are not that many people coming towards me on this trail. The river crossing swells when it rains and most people don't like getting wet. There were some folks still coming through though. As I reach the bottom of the hill, I ask a couple of folks how high the water was and they said to about the calf. Doable. I wait to cross over through the water as a man and two boys come through. Strange. There has never been a rope here... There was a hiking rope strung from a tree closest to me, jutting off the right over the waterfall and then continuing to the other side (west). People were crossing but struggling. They were using the rope which appeared to be placed there to aid those trying to cross. The rope was riddled with grass, sticks and debris and I started to clear it. I tried to pull the rope free from the waterfall and have it go straight across, parallel to the fall like it was intended.
As I worked, people passed by not bothering. People could see me struggling trying to get the rocks to release the lifeline but they pretended I was invisible. After about 10 mins, I gave up. But wait, was that a shoe? As I tugged on the rope, I swore I saw a shoe deeper in the waterfall... I moved to the other side of the rope to try from that end. As I tugged, a flash of orange and, something else, I couldn't quite tell what it was. I finally gave up and finished crossing the river and continued on my run. My shoes were heavy with water as made it to the home stretch of run: 3 miles to go. I try to pick up speed as I journeyed on the long route of the Visitors Center Loop Trail passing more people. I exit the trail right at the gates to the Visitors Center and the road that leads through the park.
I was slightly startled at the sight. There was a table set up with water and other supplies and loads more people. They were talking. I had my music pretty loud but in the few seconds I stood there and took in the sight, I realized this was a search effort. The helicopter was trying to locate someone. Close to me, I saw a poster with details of the person. I continued my run though
I got about 50 yards away and my heart was pounding faster than usual. In my mind I see the shoe in the water. I start to panic and divert towards the trail I just came from but from the entrance closest to me. I see in my mind a flash of the orange jacket. I run as hard as I could back to the poster. As I gaze at the poster, I snapped a photo on my phone. It was 1:34pm. The shoe... it matches. The jacket only slightly. Without thought, I sprint towards the shorter part of the loop but it's still about a half a mile long. There are people, kids, and dogs crowding the trail. At this pointing I am yelling at anyone to make room and move out of the path.
My mind is racing faster than my body is moving. I have to be sure. I have to know that that something else I saw wasn't skin because I know I saw a shoe and a jacket tangled in the rope... What felt like the slowest 3 mins of my life, I make it to the river crossing. There was a group of 4 in front of me and I quietly sprint pass them on the narrow of the concrete wall that makes up the start of the waterfall. There are less people around but no one else ahead of me. I grab the rope and get as close to the edge of the waterfall as I could.
The water is rapidly rushing through and it was hard to tell but I cannot unsee what was there. I can see the outline of the jacket clearer now and just to the left, the pale skin of a neck or a hand. As I pull with the added strength of an adrenaline boost, I see pants. It's him. The panic sets in more. The group of four is now is next to me. I was holding my breath and as I let the air out of my lungs, I pant out, "Stop! Don't come through. The missing hiker is in the water. He's... dead." They stare at me with blank expressions. I spring to action. I ask one of them to call the police right now and another two to help me stop people from crossing. They stand in disbelief. One of the guys asks to see so I lead him to the edge to show him the body. He can't determine what he is looking at even after I explain it to him. No one has called the police. The two women in the group are silently staring at me and the two other guys are equally motionless. More people are trying to cross the river now.
I start to dial 911 on my phone. The dispatcher answers and proceeds with the questions, "what is the nature of your emergency?" I am walking towards the entrance to this trail to get more help since it seems like the group I first asked is still immobilized. Location first, "I am at Mission Trails regional park, at the San Diego River Crossing near the Visitor's Center, and I have found the missing hiker. I need police and rescue crews." "Transferring you now." As I wait for the call to connect I stop an older man who looks helpful and explain everything. He stands with me and redirects people away from the crossing trail.
They connect me to the rescue team as I describe the situation in more detail to the dispatcher. The helicopter is 3 mins aways. There is a small crowd of about 8-10 people in the area now. They direct me to signal the helicopter of our location as it swoops in over the river about a dozen yards over the tree-line. I yell to the others to help me wave and signal to them and two others help. They see us, wave back and fly off. The dispatcher tells me that they have our location, to stay on site and wait for the ground team.
In about 10 minutes, the area is covered with about a dozen vehicles. While I was on the phone, a ranger was dispatched to the area and proceeded to stop people from crossing the river from the other side (where I myself crossed from). The rescue crew was first of the emergency personnel, then the rest of the fire crew and finally police. As the rescue crew arrived, I explained everything to them, they investigated and then geared up confirming that the body was there. They told me to wait to speak with police so they can record my statement. As I waited, several of the volunteer search team stopped and spoke with me. A few of them stayed for a while to make conversation which entailed trying to make some sense of what happened to him.
As crews worked, the hiker who was named Max, friends arrived. One gentleman was a longtime family friend and he stayed onsite for a long time. Then Max's brother arrived. He spoke with police who confirmed that it was most likely Max but they have to finish pulling him from the water. The young man, roughly 25 was devastated. He sat on the ground next to some shrubs and cried. The family friend was on the phone with the parents as well, telling them what was happening.
I was stuck there. I wanted to leave so bad. But police were not focused on any of us, just watching the other crews work to pull him from the water. It was exhausting to explain to everyone the details of events and I was drained. But I stayed. Finally, Max's brother came over. He asked if I could tell him what I saw. I spouted everything. He listened with care and thanked me as the realization set deeper into his face of the reality that his brother was gone. As he went to leave, I stopped him. I explained that I am Native American and that I carried sage with me when I ran. I picked a small branch from a spot on the eastern side of the river some weeks ago. I gave it to him and explained really briefly that I wanted him to have it. I said, "I know it's really insignificant right now as you have just lost your brother but, it's an offering for you and your family. " I explained how to use it. "I will pray for him as well," was the last thing I said to him. He nodded and left with the small branch in hand.
After about 3 hours, the lead detective finally took my statement and let me go. I passed by all these people in a daze as I walked the 2.5 miles to my car.
I knew that I was supposed to be there. In my panicked run back to the location, I remember thinking that among the thousand other things. I admit that in that moment when I was directing people to take action and people went into freeze mode, I was extremely angry. I knew that Max was gone but we could at least do something right then and there. I could have walked away, having done what I set to do which was to confirm that it was him. As I walked my way back to my car on the other side of the park, I knew that was part of why it had to be me.
I have been back to the spot a few times since then. I know that there is nothing that I could have done. I could have been out there myself when the river flooded and took his life. To Max, I hope you didn't suffer, that you are at peace, and I hope your family is healing from this tragedy. Like so many others that disappear, you were loved and I saw that with the friends and family that I met that day.
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